The O's, Hon

I'm sitting on the couch, watching the Orioles lose yet another baseball game.  I'm used to this feeling, the Orioles have lost 92 times this season already, and they have lost more than they have won for 15 consecutive years.  Next year's not looking so hot, either.

The O's stink, have stunk, and all likelihood, will continue to stink.  I, of course, will continue to root for them and think of ways each spring on how they could possibly compete.

I'm looking forward to the Little Poseur getting here, partly because I'll have a young mind to attempt to brainwash.  And one of the first areas we attempt to brainwash our children is in sports loyalties.  The Posette has already caught me looking at LSU football jerseys (if we have a boy) and cheerleader outfits (for a girl).  I don't deny it.

In most cases, the Posette and I agree on which teams to root for, but baseball will be the killer for me.  There is a 90% chance the Little Poseur will be a Rangers fan.  The Posette is a huge Rangers fan as are her parents.  We live in Dallas, so methinks there will be some exposure to Rangers games.  The Rangers have a cool ballpark that I'm sure we'll bring the LP to.  Television during the summer sort of sucks, so the LP will be exposed to a steady diet of Rangers games on the local broadcast. Just from living in the area, LP will likely root for the Rangers, even without a fanatical Rangers fan for a mom, who still has the video on her cellphone of her celebration in the stands for the final out of Game 6 of the ALCS.

I want to fight this. Not because I hate the Rangers. In fact, I like the Rangers and have had a great time learning to mimic Ron Washington's "that's the way baseball go" line.

I just want to be able to at least try to make the LP a little Oriole fan in good faith, but how?  How can I introduce a child -- an innocent who I profess to love -- to a lifetime of sports pain?  While all of LP's friends would be celebrating yet another Rangers victory, the LP could be staying up with daddy watching the orange and black lose another heartbreaker 7-3.  So close.

It's one thing to brainwash your kid into rooting for a crappy local team.  Hey, there's character in suffering, especially when it's the whole town doing the suffering.  One day, the Pirates are going to have a good year, and it will be awesome to be in Pittsburgh then.*

*Well, as awesome as living in Pittsburgh could be.

Bu rooting for an out-of-market crappy team?  That's suffering with the added bonus of loneliness.  When the Orioles finish up yet another 72-90 campaign, there will be no one who cares.  Well, other than the LP's crazy dad.

That's not an appealing argument.  Hey, kid.  You can either root for the local team, who we watch on TV all of the time, who mom loves, who all of your friends root for.... OR you can root for this really, really bad team who your dad roots for.  And nobody else does. Woo hoo.

To successfully brainwash the LP to root for the Orioles, I would have to have skills on the level of Angela Lansbury in The Manchurian Candidate.  And I don't want my child to spend their life thinking they are attending a women's tea auxiliary.

So I don't think I can even put up more than a token effort on behalf of my beloved Orioles.  Sorry, Cal.  Don't worry, I will move my resources to winning a fight on a more winnable front... making sure my child doesn't root for the Colts.